| Hats – The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Not all hats are created equal, as we have clearly witnessed through the progression of fashion faux pas. Some bad hats give the entire species of hats a bad name, and we are here to expunge these styles from the heads of people everywhere.
When Good Hats Go Bad
The wrong intentions make even the best hats go rogue. Unfortunately, most bad hats are worn by the scores of people, celebrities and average Joes alike, who believe that hats are a cure for some problematic issues. These issues include, but are not limited to:
Male Baldness
Seriously, Bret Michaels, we get it. You are an aging eighties rock star with a severe lack of dignity and a plethora of hair plugs. But really, it is time to come clean. Who do you think you are fooling with those perpetual cowboy hats? Please do not even get us started on the headbands.
Female Baldness
Britney Spears, we’re talking about you. Yes, you have redeemed yourself with a decent comeback, but we will never forget the bizarre women's hats you wore to cover up your quarter-life crisis. Overall Lack of Confidence
Forty something bachelors and frat boys, we have advice for you. The filthy baseball hats you wear daily as a supposed fashion statement are not only smelly, but they are not fooling anyone. We don't care if you feel the need express your adoration of the home town sporting league. Your overall lack of confidence is completely apparent.
Lack of Individuality
A fedora is not a "retro statement" that can cure all your personal doldrums and wardrobe woes. When worn correctly, such as donned by a hot female rock star, a fedora can be a fantastic statement. However, when worn by yet another hipster drone who can find poetry in living in his parents' basement...the fedora should not be put through such cruelties.
How did we get to this point in hat civilization? There was a time when hats were the accessory. The Smithsonian proudly displays Abraham Lincoln's iconic top hat. Men's hats used to serve as a symbol of status and power. And as for women's hats? What would Jackie O have been without her pill box hat? Who would Audrey Hepburn have been without the legendary wide brimmed black straw hat she donned while hoofing down Fifth Avenue? There was a time when hats symbolized glamour, power, and wealth.
Returning Hats to Their Rightful Status Today, bad hats are sadly abused by those who are bald and insecure. However, there exist scores of good hats that can turn any blasé outfit chic, as well as complement and flatter the wearer. In an effort to restore the glamour and understated refinement of hats, we have some very simple suggestions that we believe are steps in the right direction:
Barack Obama + Top Hat = Fashion Gold
Obama, yes you can wear hats stylishly. You are prescribing America a big helping of change with a side of hope and a dash of reform for good measure. You have inspired scores of montages from your instantly historical speeches set to the music of Les Miserables. Most importantly, you have been deemed a modern day Lincoln. Embrace it by changing your fashion sense. Steal Lincoln's style by donning a top hat. You have no idea how fashion-forward this good hat would be for you, Mr. President.
Back to the Classic Days of Socialites
Paris Hilton, you are forcing Grace Kelly to roll in her grave. Instead of dressing like the millionaire socialite you are, you dress like a contestant on a bad VH1 reality show. Why not bring back the wide brimmed straw hats that used to be iconic of women in your socioeconomic group? Ditch your horrible ratty blonde extensions for a stunning hat that screams "Fifth Avenue Princess." (Or don't. Honestly, we don't expect that much from you.)
Cowboys Should be Cowboys
Cowboy hats are a truly controversial fashion statement. While they were once very much the fashion accessory du jour of authentic American cowboys like John Wayne, they are now the accessory of white trash. Seriously, southern stars need to bring back this trend in a dignified way. George W. Bush had the good graces to don a cowboy hat while on duty...err, on vacation. Country stars like Keith Urban need to return to dressing like authentic cowboys rather than Gap models. If you are a country crooner who cares more about designer labels than drinking and horse wrangling, then you have definitely lost touch.
Refined Hats at Awards Shows
Mickey Rourke, but you are an absolute fashion disgrace. Awards shows like the Oscars should be about refinement and elegance. Men should wear top hats and tails, while women should accessorize their evening wear with gorgeous pill box hats.
Confidence is the Best Accessory
Wearing a stylish hat takes a certain amount of chutzpah, and the “best” hats are the ones that can be worn in sheer confidence. It is not necessarily the shape of the fedora or the graphics on the baseball hat that makes for a great hat. Instead, it is confidence that makes a hat stylish and chic.
As for us regular folk, there are a few key pieces of advice to keep in mind when selecting your head wear. First, don't cover up baldness, ever. If you are a bald man or fallen pop music singer who would like to wear a hat, then do so once a month. Twice, perhaps. However, wearing a hat in an obvious effort to cover a lack of hair is rather pathetic.
Second, do not wear a hat simply because it is trendy. For example, avoid wearing a fedora solely for the sake of wearing a fedora. Rather, wear a hat because you love it, and because it adds an elegant touch to your ensemble. Wearing a hat for any other reason is not good, not bad, but simply ugly. |
